Dear Veronica,

I don’t know what to do with my best friend. We have been friends since we were 2 years old (and now we are sophomores in high school), but recently I’ve been feeling like I don’t know her anymore. If not for our years of friendship and our shared past, I wouldn’t want to be friends with her. She used to be my favorite person to hang out with and close to a sister to me. She is more naggy, annoying, boring, and unsupportive than ever. I guess she has always been this way but recently I have been gaining more friends and realizing that I don’t need to put up with her. I don’t want to disconnect from her completely, I just want all of her bad traits to go away and her good ones to shine through. I miss the old her. How can I bring that back? Or is it time to let her go?

With hope,

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I completely feel you. I think most everybody has gone through this before because people change and things happen especially, during this phase of your life. You can get through this if you guys are both willing to try. Make cutting her off your last resort.

First, you must reflect on yourself. Think about anything you could be doing to cause her to behave like this. If there is something that you can stop doing to make her act like this then stop it!

Next, talk to her. Communication is key! She might be completely unaware that you feel this way. Gently, remind her how good of a friend she was and then tell her how you think she’s been acting. If you say this in a non-offensive manner, she will likely realize the way she’s been treating you and apologize.

The truth is that everyone is going through something and maybe she is taking it out on you. Ask her how she really is. Be her shoulder to cry on and support her in the way you want to be supported. She will appreciate it and realize she needs to treat you the same way. This experience might just bring you two closer.

Finally, if you attempt to talk it out with her but your efforts turn out to be pointless, then consider whether or not you even need her. Do you even want to be friends with her anymore? Does she want to friends with you? How often do you guys enjoy each other’s company anymore? Does she provide you with more happiness or sadness?

If she isn’t worth putting your effort into anymore you need to accept that people change. As sad as it is that you can’t have the old her, it’s sadder to keep someone around that is only hindering you. Let her go. Anybody who puts enough effort into a friendship to write an advice column about their friend is a great friend, and so many other people would be lucky to have you. And guess what? If she really wants you she will step up and befriend you again.

Recognize that you once loved her so cutting her off isn’t a good decision right away. Make sure that you aren’t the problem first. Try to communicate with her and support her through her hardships. If your attempts at reconciling your friendship are futile, you need to stop exerting yourself. Go enjoy yourself with the friends that bring you pleasure, and if she wants you she’ll make sure she gets you back!

Love,

Veronica